After days of soul searching I finally found the answer. Not happy with what it is but the realization has already made a difference.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
I got to work and locked the door behind me and headed to the bathroom. Came back and realized Eyowen was outside. Going to be a long day I thought. They all are.
That's it, I'm going to bed.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Watching someone you love in emotional pain is heart wrenching. There is no dragon to slay, no heroic action that can make it all go away. Only time will provide a remedy and even years will not ease it all. I know I can't fix it but can't help trying.
Trying to be there and not be in the way. Searching for the right words that may never be heard as intended. Keeping the right distance, never out of arms reach but allowing enough space to work through the emotions.
My God, I never knew anything was this hard. And yet I know the pain is so much more difficult that I feel weak even putting this in words.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
I was anxious to go and didn't bother changing or grabbing any water, just dumped my pack, put my phone in a pocket and headed out. I got to the east end bridge and slowly climbed the short incline hoping as I spun up that I wouldn't find any leg cramps. So far so good, over the top and let her go down. As I got over the top of the bridge to the island I felt less than great but decided to keep going, I really didn't want to climb back up again and that's the only way out.
Before I knew it I was halfway there and right into deer country. Apparently some people are not scared off by a $5000 fine as there were cars pulled over feeding them right out the windows. The deer have no fear any more. They used to run from cars and now are more likely to run to them.
I got to the parking lot of the marsh and there were para-surfers out on the lake. It was cool and windy and just looking at the water was enough to run a chill up the spine. I took a minute to check then out and headed back. After the bridge I decided to check out a new 'park' at the foot of the bridge. Not sure why they made a big deal since it's just a small overlook. Doesn't even overlook much. I took a couple pictures and headed home feeling like I haven't in a long time, great. It's late to start getting out more but we'll see.